Geo and I went to church this morning. It was his first Sunday off in many years. Our church is called St. George.
The name is appropos. There are many Georges in my family: My Grandfather, My Brother, My Husband--all Georges. I know from reading papers that my biological father's name was also George.
Sitting with my Mom on one side and my husband on the other, I felt happy. It was familiar. Church is family.
Dad
On the other side of Mom was a lady. Recently, her sister passed away. She cared for her sister who was wheelchair bound for the 20 years I knew her.
This sweet lady was utterly devoted to her sister. Today there was a memorial service for another parishoner. During the singing of the hymn of remembrance she was crying.
This touched me so much because it showed love. The sort of love we heard about today in the Epistle reading from 1Corinthians 13( New International Version):
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I highlighted verse 7 and 8 because this is the love I saw today that our friend has for her sister. It's an earthly mirror of the love God has for us and it is powerful.
I feel a terrible source of sorrow from not having children of my own. For some reason this gets magnified 100 times when I go to church because there are so many families there with young children. It's like a trauma but then I realize that there are other people hurting and it's not just about me. It's about love. Love does not envy! What I'm feeling in this complex sorting out of things is a sort of envy. I want what I don't have. It's more than that too but that is one of the facets.
Today was a gift, it was ok to feel pain, to share it with others whether privately on the inside as I did or on the outside as our friend did. It's honest. It's real. It has meaning. Sometimes in the isolation of living here on the hill it's easy to become too focused on myself--not enough on other people. Today showed me what fellowship with other believers means in a profoundly inspiring way.
The contrast between interacting superficially and spiritually was something I noticed. In superficial interaction God is never mentioned, emotions must be hidden, and painful topics avoided. In the fellowship of believers, the interaction is prayerful, reminding us there is a greater thing than us, God who is in everything we experience.
God is love.
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